Mandy Loses Her Make-up Set! 

Would like children to comment on what they liked most about this piece of writing. I loved the way it is a tight piece with a clear beginning, middle and surprising end, Pearl's use of vivid verbs, and also dialogue. She's brought out Mandy's 'drama queen' personality so well through the things Mandy says and does. These are skills a good writer has!

Mandy Loses Her Make-up Set!

Pearl Shah (Age 8)

October 2013

When I was in First grade, Mandira was my best friend. On Saturday I planned a play date at her house!

Now Mandy is a fashionable girl and loves to show off and behave like a heroine. Her hair is deep black and she is always wearing fancy clothes.

When I reached her house she was patting her dog sadly. It looked like she was bathing her dog with tears!

"What happened Mandy?" I asked. "I can help!" I stroked her head to comfort her.

"Oh, my make-up set is lost!" she sobbed in her stylish accent.

Her mom passed by. "You've put everything in your bag for spending the night at Nani's house, right?" she asked.

"Yes, everything except my make-up set!" answered Mandy howling.

Then she plonked her dog on the sofa with a bump. She came up to me and shook me by the shoulder, "What will I do?"

I scurried into her bedroom. She slammed the door. Pop-music was going on but then she changed it to sad classical music. She looked at her watch. "I've still not found my set!" she screamed.

After a minute of hollering she picked up her pillow and flung it away but it bumped onto the mirror and the glass fell down! "Crash!" She stamped her feet hard. "Thump- Thump- Thump!" "What will I do?" she yelled.

I couldn't understand a thing. She snatched her favourite teddy and smashed it. She grabbed her cheapest soft-toy and threw it out of the window.

It landed on the 'New-York' bag she had to take to her Nani's house. The chain opened up a bit as it fell on one side. I saw a handle popping out........ Mandy jumped and landed on the bag. The handle poked her.

"Ouch!" she howled.

She pulled it out angrily. She was going to hit it but..... suddenly she kissed it!

It was her make-up set!